i've changed a lot in some ways, and only a little in others. my old journals are almost a different person, shedded skin sort of.

I'm in a bad mood right now and if i let my thoughts spill i'll say something i'll feel stupid about later. i just had to say something.

we're attracted to the same types of people over an over. i don't know how long, but i can attest to 5 years. no matter how much different we think they are, they turn out similar or worse but along the same lines. so do the people get less extreme/better for you gradually, or do you learn to deal with it better? obviously there'd be advancement with both, though sometimes they're worse for you (but you don't always think they are). But which is more prominent? you changing, or them?

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

I'm moved in. Oh-my-boxes. lots of boxes. and stuff everywhere.
We sing the clean up song. I have to unbury the bed so i have a place to sleep tonight . *glances*...oy vey... *sweatdrop*

anyways.

If you respond to this Journal:

1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. If I do this, you should post this in your journal

So since i got tagggeeddd.....

1) Full Name: Courtney D. E.
2) Name Backwards: Yentruoc
3) Were you named after anyone?: i dont think so
4) Does your name mean anything?: i think it means short nose. what a cruel joke..
5) Nick Name(s): quarter, corky, trowa
6) Screen Name(s): HarmonyInBlood, l8nytewalker, itsnever_enough (dont use that much anymore though), vampiressofdark (old)
7) Date Of Birth: August 3, 1988. because i rock.
8) Place of Birth: idk a hospital
9) Nationality: em, i think just/mostly norweigan and german
10) Current Location: My room, at my dads house in minnesota
11) Sign: Dragon, leo... oddly.... but i'm proud of being a leo and a dragon <3
12) Religion: agnostic
13) Height: 5'4" ish
14) Weight: 105 lbs lol
15) Shoe Size: umm 7 ish in girls i think and probably 6 ish in guys.. whatever fits.
16) Hair colour: boring brownn..blehh
17) Eye colour: brown, bit of green around the edges i guess.
18) What do you look like?: an alien! idk i've been told i look like julia roberts a few times by different people
19) Innie or Outie?: Innie lol
20) Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous?: Righty
21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other?: gay
22) Best friend(s): kait, justin, ashley berneman, chas, jen, ali, kristin
23) Best friend you trust the most: kait. she knows me better than anybody (in the whole damn world).
24) Best friends {your sex}: kait ash, chas, jen, ali, lol.
25) Best friends of the opposite sex: justtinnnn
26) Best Bud(s): lol everyfreakingbody.
27) Boyfriend / Girlfriend: chas <3. and she has a charming (full first) name .
28) Crush: doi
29) Parent(s): my mom, brad(step dad), dad, and nancy (step mom)
30) Worst Enemy: haha i loved your response ash. taking example from that, i dont really have any enemies except mcdonalds just because i worked there. eating there's good, just not when you gtta work lol.
31) Favorite on-line Guy(s): i dont think i met any guy online in a long time?
32) Favorite on-line Girl(s): umm, person i -only- know online, sonja, met on myspace.
33) Funniest friend: yeah probably shane is right
34) Craziest friend: umm idk lol
35) Advice Friend: kait, and ashley
36) Loudest Friend: uhm.. kait or jesy lol. maybe ali.
37) Person you cry with: dont really cry with people..

Do You Have...

38) Any sisters: no not even any step sisters! It would be cool i think...
39) Any brothers: a brother, a half brother (but i consider him my brother anyway ), and 3 step brothers. dang
40) Any pets: puppy!- bailey, and a hamster- whiskers (lol tristan named it)
41) A Disease: noope. not that i know of.
42) A Pager: nah
43) A Personal phone line: nope. although, up here that might be kind of nice now that i think about it... .except that it'd cost more money and i'm broke...and already need to make payments on other things...ugh...
44) A Cell phone: yesss
45) A Lava lamp: yuppers
46) A Pool or hot tub: at my dads . You should come try it out with me
47) A Car: yeaahh '95 ford taurus . getting a new one soon-ish..once i get a job up here in MN....

Describe Your...

48) Personality: shy at first, but friendly, i think; open minded... umm idk... stuff? rad.
49) Driving: lol i guess a little crazy but its controlled crazy... i know what i'm doing usually. so its ok.
50) Car or one you want: well the tranny's going out nicely, it's red, it has no air conditionig and one window in the back doesnt work, my front two speakers dont work and the back two are blown (or just plain shitty) but still work just sound like crap lol, umm, but the car i want is a '75 Corvette Stingray. preferably black... damnnn that would be niiiice <3
51) Room: my actual room (that i'm leaving)- posters and pictures from magazines everywhere, walls (what you can see of them which isnt much lol) are white with red and black paint splattered, carpet's gray... computer desk, lots of books, idk you dont care either lol. and the room at my dads is just a tiny bit smaller i think, has an air mattress on the floor for me till i get a bed, umm the walls are a dark cream-ish color, bit of green in it, and i have a ceiling fan though thats nice. and a dresser. yeah its great. pretty plain compared to my room at home.
52) What’s missing?: all of my friends n such lol.
53) School: i dont have one anymore for now
54) Bed: haha. Aiirrr matttresss!!! at least here at my dads. My bed at home is my trusty futon that rocks.
55) Relationship with your parent(s): pretty good.

Do You...

56) Believe in yourself: somewhat
57) Do you believe in love at first sight?: not really.
58) Consider yourself a good listener: yeah usually.
60) Get Along with your parents: Usually. although i was starting to get into it a little more often with my mom before i left for MN cos i guess i got fed up with the rules kind of.
61) Save your e-mail conversations: e-mail convo's? hmm. well if you include myspace messages...
62) Pray: on occassion, when there's something i really wish for
63) Believe in reincarnation: No, but i'm open to the idea/being proven wrong
64) Like to make fun of people: As a joke but I would never do it maliciously. (ditto)
65) Like to talk on the phone: sometimes : ).
66) Like to eat?: no. i LOVE to eat!
67) Like to drive: yesss . sometimes it gets tiring though if i have to be the one to drive everywhere...
68) Get motion sickness: Nah
69) Eat the stems of broccoli: um i think so, when i do ever eat broccoli XP
70) Eat Chicken fingers with a fork: haha. i guess it depends. but i dont think usually?
71) Dream in color: always. actually i dont think i ever had a black and white dream. or sepia toned or anything like that lol.
72) Type with your fingers on home row: lol yeah...
73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: nopes.

What Is…?

74) Right next to you: a sketchbook and pen, and a pop, and speakers, and a tablet, and cds. and my cell. and a book. and a couple pictures. that, my friends, is my life in a nutshell. haha..
75) On the walls of your room: my senior picture- the art one thingy..., and a couple of 4-photo frame thingies, one blank, and one with 4 of my early photography pictures. actually i think my early ones are better than my recent ones . nice innit?
76) On your mouse pad: i have a laptop and a tablet
77) Your dream car: '75 Corvette Stingray
78) Your dream date: Anything romantic...I like surprises. (heyy ditto)
79) Your dream honeymoon spot: someplace liike... less populated areas of japan where they have beautiful gardens and such and no blaring traffic or anything; orr like new zealand or ireland or finland or something like that- some place somewhat secluded and beautiful but still having most of the comforts of today like shower, hot water, toilets (that flush), electricity etc...
80) Your dream husband/wife: guess i'll know when i find 'em and realize its meant to be lol
81) Your bedtime: lol lately around 4 am
82) Under your bed: at home- my old tae kwon do sparring gear and some belts, old toys in a bin, umm pens, dust bunnies n spiders, idk what else. oh a scanner.
83) The single most important question: Why? (everybody needs to know in some way shape or form )
84) Your bad time of the day: lol i guess mornings because i dont mentally wake up till like anywhere beteween 12 and 3 pm..
85) Your worst fear(s): "Being completely alone" (<i guess prolly ditto); and rejection is pretty big too.
86) The weather like: perfect i think . as long as the sky's clear enough to see the stars.
87) The time? 3:17 am
88) The date? sunday july 23 2006
89) The best trick you ever played on someone: idk
90) The weirdest food or drink that you like: um.. i dont know...?
91) Theme Song: hahahaha! Sexy Boy (the one playing in 10 things i hate about you when all the papers are thrown down the stairs). lmao. yessss.
92) The hardest thing about growing up: i dunno.. a few things..
93) Your funniest experience: i dont even know. any time with a bunch of friends is great. When kait swallowed the penny that was pretty great. but i cant name a particular one at least not off the top of my head.
95) The silliest thing you've said: "i love you". heh. eh. nah, i dont know, you tell me .
96) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex?: ...i dont think i've intentionally/consciously done that since like..middle school..? and even then it was only dressing in leather pants, because i thought it made me look good.....
97) The scariest thing that's ever happened while with your friend(s): emm. i really donno. lol.
98) The worst feeling in the world: heh.
99) The best feeling in the world: Being loved for who I am. (agreed) And feeling in love and at peace with the world and centered...
100) 5 people you tag: umm. whoever cares to pick it up what now.


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But anyways.
Muse's songs "sing for absolution," "falling away with you," and "New born" represent pretty well how i feel right now . And i'm not exactly sure how to describe how that is . but i hope the songs can describe it for you if you care to find out.

So right now i'm actually in shorts (rarity), and a gray tank, and thats about it, and it's freakin awesome. cos it was relly hot in here. but i feel a hell of a lot cooler (and lighter) now lol. And i was only wearing normal black jeans so not my heavy tripp pants lol.

I've been drawing a lot lately too. Most of my drawngs are of people though that generally look kind of similar, or at least they're all facing the same way. .Rock. on here is probably the first deviation from this new style i started, and i'm reeallllly excited about how he (or she if you prefer) turned out. I just started doodling a gun because thats what i felt like, and then a hand went to it, and i got the image that it should go to a guy a little further back shooting it off, and it actually freaking worked! the first time through! So i'm really happy with how it turned out.
And i'm coloring it off and on, and taking my time with that lol. harder to get used to...
I was showing my dad and as he was looking at it (on compy cos thats where its at), a message popped up that if he managed to read, is slightly rather embarrassing, and i kept trying to click on the screen where the picture was, but it -would not- go and hide the message-window behind it so i was like shiiiit. hahaha. finally i minimized it ugh. but i hope he didnt reead that. embarrassing. dammmn. haha.

But yeah anyways. I'm glad i'm getting inspired more often. I'll guess that its due to a lot of shit in my head being stirred up lately. But more recently i'm better, and i still havent lost it, so i'm glad.

Soo i'll be 18 incredibly soon!! Woohoo! it's going to take a lot of self control to not just run out a few days after turning 18 and get my lip or eyebrow pierced or something. 'cause i cant do that till i move out of my moms house. eh. or my mom will have a fit.

And HEYY ANIME IOWA's coming up real quick!!. freakin excited!
I'm dressing up as a friend's character- hisoka. i get to dye my hair black temporarily . lol. and my costume consists of pretty regular clothes and then, power ranger boxers. I have them. and they're little boy boxers that jusssttt fit me lol. And i gotta get some earrss.... like. . dog ears or something? ash knows.. i forget...
Annd one day i might go in his pj's, and i'm the less blessed, while ashley gets a full actual pajama outfit for her character (diem), i get boxers and a muscle t x_X. I'm still debating whether or not i want to do thattttt.... considering the boxers are littleboyboxers..ugh hah. But if i do. i wonder if it'd be too out of character to carry around a small-ish blankie....

Ok so im tired now. goodnniightt..

First five people to comment in this journal get a sketch. Please feel free to say what you want specifically, or else I might never do it.

Only catch is that you have to post this in your journal as well, and do the same for 5 others.
1. Ashley
2.
3.
4.
5.


Hah. As if you wanted a sketch! But i commented ashey. so i guess i gotta post it